selves imposed a threat
oh your name moaned
in mood lighting
repeating selves
each without history
my love
15 minutes late
and i cannot breathe
and now i must mend this?
i don't think
what i said was true
i, heather utah,
would like to
formally issue
a retraction
of the words
the unbearable lightness
and a drastic
change of tradition
imposed a place
a threat to mend a gap
i sat in the queen chair
you, eunuch
number one left hand man
THIS ENDS TONIGHT
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
grasping, lies + reality
trying to be
without actually bean
STOP WITH YOUR
SLANDEROUS LIES
looking into your eyes
i'm having trouble
seeing next thursday
let alone infinity
it increases physical
awareness -
please, please
becoming is a reality
not imagined, not dreamt
but a state full of
you and of me
when i was very young
i stayed home
collected stamps
and made up people
named after fonts
backing out
of a tender tendril
if only to be lost
again, shining
WE, SORCERERS
maybe i will stand
by and document your fall
with sexual distance
without actually bean
STOP WITH YOUR
SLANDEROUS LIES
looking into your eyes
i'm having trouble
seeing next thursday
let alone infinity
it increases physical
awareness -
please, please
becoming is a reality
not imagined, not dreamt
but a state full of
you and of me
when i was very young
i stayed home
collected stamps
and made up people
named after fonts
backing out
of a tender tendril
if only to be lost
again, shining
WE, SORCERERS
maybe i will stand
by and document your fall
with sexual distance
piercing, needless + needles
but i flew to the shores
of a web
to find you
only to throw you
back from whence
you came
speech is nothing
i can only show you
my silly portal trying
we are beginning
to crepp out
of the ventilation
changing behaviors
grandiose noise but
i know the dirty rag
in your corners
and what they meant
to you and to me
i am no thing
compared to the
needles you cave to
SO WHAT SO FUCKING WHAT
i only wanted to make
htings
right between these selves
that act of piercing
together
harming to mend
what brought you here?
of a web
to find you
only to throw you
back from whence
you came
speech is nothing
i can only show you
my silly portal trying
we are beginning
to crepp out
of the ventilation
changing behaviors
grandiose noise but
i know the dirty rag
in your corners
and what they meant
to you and to me
i am no thing
compared to the
needles you cave to
SO WHAT SO FUCKING WHAT
i only wanted to make
htings
right between these selves
that act of piercing
together
harming to mend
what brought you here?
boner, sonar + lots of stabbing
bodymind
you and both
know this is true
i am trying
to rob you of your
organs
spleen, please
how did it come
to this?
soft chine world
underwater
subsonar
roar
in a quiet
fore shadow of doubt
likes ::
knitting shivs
wielding ball
peen hammers
tastes the blood
from the bite
knowing inside and out
literally
pulling it out of your body
i only wanted you
to know
why
i wanted everything
you and both
know this is true
i am trying
to rob you of your
organs
spleen, please
how did it come
to this?
soft chine world
underwater
subsonar
roar
in a quiet
fore shadow of doubt
likes ::
knitting shivs
wielding ball
peen hammers
tastes the blood
from the bite
knowing inside and out
literally
pulling it out of your body
i only wanted you
to know
why
i wanted everything
Friday, October 10, 2008
quotes, homes + cumming
'and there are no tombs
in the galapagos islands, the
ocean gets all
the bodies to use
as it will'
-vonnegut
(galapagos)
COME
HOME
wishing lasts forever
i love you
but i will never
go[t] to longueuil
again
breaking every rule
if only to see you
again
WANNA FIGHT ABOUT IT???
just fucking do it
i am waiting for a
bus to get on the bus
and maybe
to not get off of it
to meet fellow
cephalopod
THIS IS NOT YOU
THIS IS ME TRYING
TO REMEMBER YOU
try talkingnormally
for once
in the galapagos islands, the
ocean gets all
the bodies to use
as it will'
-vonnegut
(galapagos)
COME
HOME
wishing lasts forever
i love you
but i will never
go[t] to longueuil
again
breaking every rule
if only to see you
again
WANNA FIGHT ABOUT IT???
just fucking do it
i am waiting for a
bus to get on the bus
and maybe
to not get off of it
to meet fellow
cephalopod
THIS IS NOT YOU
THIS IS ME TRYING
TO REMEMBER YOU
try talkingnormally
for once
grinding, binding + needles
life is
measured by the
amount of people
who leave it
i just wanted you
to stick your
hand up my shirt
E is a good
letter to have on
ones side
THANKS FOR
ROCKING
what exactly
are you doing?
grind my bones
to make my bread
in bed
my last night in bed
with you
:: im crying
because i wanted you
to see the full range
of my emotions ::
this is dangerous
played too sharp
it was like love
familiar earthen
smell
i can only say it
so many times
wicked, stupid
girl, i could
love you ten
thousand times
a minute
measured by the
amount of people
who leave it
i just wanted you
to stick your
hand up my shirt
E is a good
letter to have on
ones side
THANKS FOR
ROCKING
what exactly
are you doing?
grind my bones
to make my bread
in bed
my last night in bed
with you
:: im crying
because i wanted you
to see the full range
of my emotions ::
this is dangerous
played too sharp
it was like love
familiar earthen
smell
i can only say it
so many times
wicked, stupid
girl, i could
love you ten
thousand times
a minute
smut, thread + advertisment
i like it
its like a third eye
this house is
turning into
a home
dont
you laugh at me
RE: hot hot possible
percussionist
you wore blue and rocked
a skunk spot -
i would like to
see more of you
marry me?
DON'T TELL MOM
everything is fine
DIABOLICAL
ROMANTICISM
finding your soulmate
on an alien planet
volunteer pioneer
bring water for
the trip
(mars is cold)
i am an orphan
to the alley
support your
local oppressors
its like a third eye
this house is
turning into
a home
dont
you laugh at me
RE: hot hot possible
percussionist
you wore blue and rocked
a skunk spot -
i would like to
see more of you
marry me?
DON'T TELL MOM
everything is fine
DIABOLICAL
ROMANTICISM
finding your soulmate
on an alien planet
volunteer pioneer
bring water for
the trip
(mars is cold)
i am an orphan
to the alley
support your
local oppressors
good, bad + ok
I WAS ONE ONCE
lavender and
graveyard thyme
i will taste the bitter
the sweetness i'll
never know
i wish i had something
interesting to
say
im ok youre ok
there is great
distance between
us both
butihaveneverfelt
yousonear
OH SHIT
I ALMOST TOOK
YOU TOO
SERIOUSLY
AGAIN
MISCELLANEOUS
ARTIST
FOR HIRE
leaving
having left
flying anticipating
it will be the best distraction
tell me something
anything
lavender and
graveyard thyme
i will taste the bitter
the sweetness i'll
never know
i wish i had something
interesting to
say
im ok youre ok
there is great
distance between
us both
butihaveneverfelt
yousonear
OH SHIT
I ALMOST TOOK
YOU TOO
SERIOUSLY
AGAIN
MISCELLANEOUS
ARTIST
FOR HIRE
leaving
having left
flying anticipating
it will be the best distraction
tell me something
anything
sweethearts, tarts + deerharts
i was one once
and now i
sometimes try to be
will you be my
only sweetheart?
will you be my
timeless one and only?
SOME THINGS I KNOW
-drink lots of water
-laughter is the best exercise
-bask in the sun for your soul
-nobody is an accident
-say what you mean and
mean what you say, always
i like
boys that look like girls
girls that look like boys
tell me young star what you
are dreaming of
EVERYTHING IN THIS RAT CITY
REMIND ME OF YOU
THERE IS
RAW THERE
for the longest time
i felt like i needed to be
saved--------
now i finally feel
strong enough to be the one
to do the saving
and now i
sometimes try to be
will you be my
only sweetheart?
will you be my
timeless one and only?
SOME THINGS I KNOW
-drink lots of water
-laughter is the best exercise
-bask in the sun for your soul
-nobody is an accident
-say what you mean and
mean what you say, always
i like
boys that look like girls
girls that look like boys
tell me young star what you
are dreaming of
EVERYTHING IN THIS RAT CITY
REMIND ME OF YOU
THERE IS
RAW THERE
for the longest time
i felt like i needed to be
saved--------
now i finally feel
strong enough to be the one
to do the saving
acid, ass + sight
soon after their departure
there is the desire
to recreate each moment
in hopes to remind my selves
that they were in fact
REAL
wanting to show them
EVERYTHING
-to not weep like
the busted girl i am
shooting each other with foam guns
i revealed a secret
so did she
I HAVE AN EXCESS OF ACID
IN MY BODY
THAT CAUSES ME TO
VOMIT FREQUENTLY
are you a
son of the evolution?
a daughter of the evolution?
what do you know about
men and women as lovers?
lovers from away
for a faraway kind of girl
my secrets are everyone,,,,,
my secrets are everyones secrets
i have 2 imaginary husbands
body pulses
body breaks
body breathes
body heals
I WOULD LIKE TO
SEE YOU AGAIN
i would like
to see YOU again
there is the desire
to recreate each moment
in hopes to remind my selves
that they were in fact
REAL
wanting to show them
EVERYTHING
-to not weep like
the busted girl i am
shooting each other with foam guns
i revealed a secret
so did she
I HAVE AN EXCESS OF ACID
IN MY BODY
THAT CAUSES ME TO
VOMIT FREQUENTLY
are you a
son of the evolution?
a daughter of the evolution?
what do you know about
men and women as lovers?
lovers from away
for a faraway kind of girl
my secrets are everyone,,,,,
my secrets are everyones secrets
i have 2 imaginary husbands
body pulses
body breaks
body breathes
body heals
I WOULD LIKE TO
SEE YOU AGAIN
i would like
to see YOU again
bodies, minds + mines
and their arms
and their faces
and their eyes
and their torsos
if love makes me a better person
does infatuation make me a worse one?
time is there is no time
when you love the person
you are with
my private selves
are reaching
out for a fellow of flesh
IS THAT WHY I AM HERE?
my hypocrisy is shiny - like chrome
my nose will
be hollow
my eyes will be
blocked
I LIKE THE SHAPE
OF YOUR HEAD
there is an[d] ache in my spine
there is a pull in my chest
towards spending as much
time against your body as possible
even if it mean sacrificing something
----anything for a smile
and their faces
and their eyes
and their torsos
if love makes me a better person
does infatuation make me a worse one?
time is there is no time
when you love the person
you are with
my private selves
are reaching
out for a fellow of flesh
IS THAT WHY I AM HERE?
my hypocrisy is shiny - like chrome
my nose will
be hollow
my eyes will be
blocked
I LIKE THE SHAPE
OF YOUR HEAD
there is an[d] ache in my spine
there is a pull in my chest
towards spending as much
time against your body as possible
even if it mean sacrificing something
----anything for a smile
wishes, fishes + fears
TRUELOVE
FALSELOVE
DEEPLOVE
who are these peopls
i become attached to?
i wept in public.
maybe youve seen me
i would walk to the train tracks
and cry and cry and cry
that long slow iron rumble
always reminds me
of him -----
follow my very private map
from off to on
THE OTHER SIDE IS
THERE IS NO OTHER SIDE
this is our last year
love, unlove + secrets
I WAS ONE ONCE
there was and still is
a certain fear and pain
in memory and forgetting
from the day i met him
i knew our days were numbered
he had a plane to catch
there was nothing i could say or do
to make him stay
i could never make you stay
i am trying to influence a life
i hope you will still like me tomorrow
europeans are sexy
but hard to read
and weird to me
WERE WE TOGETHER?
i am a strange animal
with a tendency towards
interior thought and speech
that borders on choking
MY VERY PRIVATE SELVES
FOUND
girl / woman
foreign to montreal
daughter of her own evolution
shares secrets when she feels she shouldn't
SEEKING
you
THIS IS THE WEB VERSION OF ALL THE TANGIBLE THINGS I'VE WRITTEN AND MADE
there is only one version of each
[the original]
which is tucked away somewhere in montréal
so they are not only thought in my head
but they are hand written in 'men and women as lovers"
then typed on a typewriter
then assembled with this thread
then typed into a computer
then posted on the internet
tell me something
tell me anything
girl / woman
foreign to montreal
daughter of her own evolution
shares secrets when she feels she shouldn't
SEEKING
you
THIS IS THE WEB VERSION OF ALL THE TANGIBLE THINGS I'VE WRITTEN AND MADE
there is only one version of each
[the original]
which is tucked away somewhere in montréal
so they are not only thought in my head
but they are hand written in 'men and women as lovers"
then typed on a typewriter
then assembled with this thread
then typed into a computer
then posted on the internet
tell me something
tell me anything
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